Think of when you were sitting with a team or your classmates, and your boss or teacher asked a question. You wanted to raise your hand and muster the courage to answer, but you didn’t because of a lack of confidence or fear of being incorrect or laughed at. Just then, you see someone beside you confidently standing up and speaking, gathering appreciation and regards from the seniors. And in that second, your moment is gone. The opportunity is lost. Then you think, if only you had more confidence, you could have been that person, and life would have been different.
Most of us want confidence, but it's not always easy to maintain. It can feel like slipping away, leaving us doubting ourselves and holding back from going after what we want. Recently, I read the book "The Confidence Gap: From Fear to Freedom" by Russ Harris, and this blog draws insights from this book. So, let's explore five tips to help you build robust and unwavering confidence in your everyday life.
The action of confidence comes first; the feelings come later -
When I started my YouTube channel in 2021, I faced a new fear: talking directly to the camera. Even though I was good at public speaking, facing a lens instead of a crowd made me nervous. I loved seeing people's reactions to my speeches, but the camera felt different. At first, recording videos felt strange. But I decided to keep at it, uploading videos regularly. And you know what? With each video I released, I felt more comfortable. The fear slowly faded away. What started as a scary experience turned into confidence.
If you keep waiting for the feeling of confidence before you start doing the important things, chances are you will be waiting forever. The feelings of confidence will not magically appear out of thin air. Indeed, you cultivate some feelings by listening to something motivational, but that might not last.
In the words of Lance Armstrong, who is said to be the most outstanding athlete the world has ever seen, "The world is full of people who are trying to purchase self-confidence, or manufacture it, or simply posture it. But you can't fake confidence, and you have to earn it. The only way to do that is work. If we want to do anything confidently, we need to practice those skills, not once but multiple times."
If you want to become a great public speaker, practice speaking. If you're going to become a writer, start practising writing. You're probably familiar with Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers," the best-selling book that popularized the 10,000-hour rule. The rule is that mastery of complicated skills and materials requires 10,000 hours of rigorous practice.
Understanding the relationship with fear -
Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear but a transformed relationship with fear. Don’t fight your fear and lose confidence because of that, rather accept the fear, feel the fear and show the confidence to do it anyway. Face your fear head-on, and once you start facing it, you will see it diminish and your confidence increase.
Embrace Vulnerability-
Conventional wisdom often tells us to hide our vulnerabilities, fearing they may undermine our confidence. However, embracing vulnerability can be a catalyst for greater confidence. In his book, Russ Harris highlights the power of vulnerability as a gateway to authenticity and connection.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open up to deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. Sharing our fears, insecurities, and imperfections fosters empathy and understanding and frees us from the pressure to maintain a face of perfection.
Example: Instead of pretending to have all the answers during a team meeting, admit when you're unsure and invite collaboration and input from others. Simply say, I am not sure what next steps to follow; I am looking for input from all of you.
Or, in an interview, it's okay if you say I don’t know the answer. It's OKAY to admit your weaknesses and flaws.
Harness the Power of Visualization
Visualization is a powerful tool often overlooked in discussions about confidence. Russ Harris introduces the concept of "future-self visualization," where individuals imagine themselves successfully navigating challenges and achieving their goals. By vividly imagining future scenarios, we prime our minds for success and cultivate a sense of confidence and self-belief.
Take a moment to close your eyes and envision yourself overcoming obstacles and thriving in your endeavours. Picture yourself confidently delivering a presentation, acing a job interview, or reaching a personal milestone. By repeatedly visualizing success, you rewire your brain to focus on possibilities rather than limitations, fueling your confidence and determination to turn your dreams into reality.
Studies have shown that athletes who incorporate visualization techniques into their training regimen experience improvements in performance and confidence.
Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Our beliefs about ourselves and the world shape our reality and influence our confidence levels. Russ Harris introduces the concept of "thought diffusion," where individuals learn to challenge and distance themselves from unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that undermine confidence.
Identify negative or limiting beliefs about yourself, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'll never succeed." Then, ask yourself whether these beliefs are based on objective reality or assumptions rooted in fear and self-doubt. By challenging and reframing limiting beliefs, you free yourself from their grip and empower yourself to embrace new possibilities and opportunities for growth.
Example: Suppose you've always believed you're not creative enough to pursue a passion project. Challenge this belief by experimenting with creative activities and seeking inspiration from others who have overcome similar challenges. Expanding your definition of creativity and challenging limiting beliefs will unlock new avenues for self-expression and confidence.
Conclusion
Maintaining confidence every day requires a multifaceted approach that goes beyond conventional wisdom. By embracing vulnerability, harnessing the power of visualization, reframing failure as feedback, cultivating gratitude, and challenging limiting beliefs, you'll develop a deep sense of confidence that empowers you to thrive in all areas of your life.
So, the next time you find your confidence wavering, remember these unique insights from "The Confidence Gap" by Russ Harris and watch yourself soar to new heights of self-assurance and success. You have the power within you to cultivate unwavering confidence and live a life of fulfilment and purpose.