While reading this book, I felt like I already know most of the concepts, but these are more of set reminders that we keep forgetting in our everyday lives. This book is very relateable and draws from everyday experiences. Below are some of my takeaways from the book.
1. To achieve a sense of peace, we need balance: balance between work and play, between action and patience, spending and saving, laughter and seriousness, leaving and staying. Failing to achieve a balance across every area of your life can leave you feeling exhausted, among many other unpleasant emotions, such as guilt.
2. It’s hard to crack a smile when things are going wrong. But a 2003 study by Simone Schnall and David Laird showed that if you fake a smile, you can trick your brain into thinking you’re happy by releasing feel-good hormones called endorphins. This might seem a little wacky at first. If smiling for no reason feels too strange, then find a reason to smile. You could smile at the prospect of your smile itself making someone else feel happier. They might smile back at you, giving you a genuine reason to keep your smile alive. In fact, our entire body and physiology can affect our thoughts and feelings. By changing our outer state, we can change our inner state. It may also surprise you to learn that most messages that we give other people are non-verbal, such as facial expressions, gestures or even the way we hold ourselves while we’re talking. For this reason, it’s important that we try to think about the messages we’re conveying with our body language.
3. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone. I’ve noticed that sometimes you can feel peopled out. If you’re an introvert, this feeling might be quite common. You feel like everyone wants a piece of you and it just gets too much. If you’re living with a spouse, friends or family, this might seem a little cruel. It’s not that you dislike them, or that you’re even fed up with them. It’s just that you need a break: a chance to breathe and recharge. You just need to be alone for a while. That’s perfectly acceptable and doesn’t make you any less loving. It’s also easy to feel overstimulated by the media and social media, and in need of a period of rest from these things, too. How can you tell if you need a break? In Mexican Spanish, the word engentado describes this feeling. It refers to the feeling of wanting to be away from people after spending time with them.
4. What you consume, consumes you; what consumes you, controls your life.
5. Create a relationship where you talk to each other about your problems, not where you talk about each other on social media. Statuses don’t fix relationship issues, honest conversations do.
6. If someone doesn’t respect you or says you have flaws, there’s a good chance you’ll start to integrate their opinions into your sense of self. In fact, many of the thoughts in our heads aren’t originally our own. When we’re young, we might be told that we’re not meant for certain paths in life. We grow up believing what we’re told, and the others’ perceptions become our reality. Our whole lives are shaped by throwaway comments and social programming. Sometimes, the simplest solution is to be around different people, especially when you can’t get the ones you’re already surrounded by to change. Once the teenager let go of the friends she had and made new ones, she began to feel more confident about her life. Simplify your circle of friends. Keep those who add value to your life; remove those who don’t.
7. When your life isn’t interesting, you tend to focus on other people. You seek excitement and attention from hating others and provoking reactions. Therefore memes are so popular on the Internet. People want others to laugh at their attempts at mocking someone else. They’ll do it for likes, comments and shares – for instant gratification. This will make them feel good for a short time and as if they’re doing something worthwhile. Which leads to my final point… What people say about you says more about them than about you When others judge you, they reveal themselves. They show their insecurities, needs, mindset, attitude, history and limitations. And they paint a clear picture of their future: they won’t go very far, or live a joyful life, if they’re wasting their precious time judging others.
8. You won’t be important to other people all the time, and that’s why you must be important to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Take care of yourself. Encourage positive self-talk – and become your own support system. Your needs matter, so start meeting them yourself. Don’t rely on others. Someone once posed the question: ‘If I asked you to name all the things you love; how long would it take for you to name yourself?’ This question serves as a reminder that many of us neglect self-love. It’s the result of a common problem within our society: we’re conditioned to care more about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves. Learning to interact effectively with other people and getting them to like you will help you to achieve your goals.
9. We assume success is about being famous, rich and owning expensive things. But if you’ve pulled yourself out of a dark place, that’s a great success in itself. Don’t forget that you’re winning each day you don’t give up and you make it through to the next.
10. Your individuality is a blessing, not a burden. If you try to be like everyone else, your life will be no greater than theirs. By following the crowd, you’ll become a part of it and fail to stand out. By travelling the same road as them, you won’t get the chance to see anything different from what they see.